Oh Cleveland...

Transitions can be hard. I think the fact that my arms have been causing me a lot of pain (for over 2 weeks) and are still currently covered in a terrible poison ivy rash  (note, only click on the link if you want to see pictures.) is contributing to me thinking about "the good ole' days in Cleveland" .... when I didn't have this rash. (Well, I did have a lot of other rashes and illnesses, but since those aren't as current, they seem much more bearable).

Oh Cleveland, I miss...

-the Cleveland Library, specifically the Lee Library, on my street. 15 houses away, we could walk to it, and have anything we ordered sent there, and pick it up when it arrived. It was the best library

-Dellwood Rd. - our neighbors, the gorgeous trees, the familiarity of it all, and most of all, The Winders. Living side by side in our duplex together. Beth, Bob, Stella, Max. Dinner and babysitting swaps, recipe sharing, play dates, real genuine friendship

-So many friends - Katie Taylor, Myrtle Alexander, Emily and Sam Barker, Matt and Marie Buetler, Kjirsti Foutz, Ollie Griffin, Anne Evans, all of the Shaker Heights Ward, Chelsea DeMille, Karen McMullen, Teri Englemann, Luke (our bishop) and Christi Harmer, our landlord, the Copes, Donna, the Calls, Michael Haymond (our stake president) Steve Barnes, Krystal Webb, Miranda Livingston, Adam and Laura Nelson, Ivan Tseng, Fay and George Williams ... I could never name them all, the list goes on and on! There are so many! (If I didn't name you, know that I love you, and I've got to go to sleep sometime tonight.) Some of those aren't even in Cleveland anymore, but I will always remember our times there.

-Eddy Fruit Farm, and Chesterland and Chagrin Falls - such a gorgeous area, the best fruit farm ever, such delicious, and inexpensive apples, one of our favorite traditions, apple picking in the fall in th emost beautiful setting; and driving through one of our favorite areas in Ohio, seeing the gorgeous, old and unique homes

-our Shaker Heights Ward (congregation) and Kirtland Stake (regional congregation)

-so many happy memories there, the place where we were so blessed when John came into our lives and changed us forever

-our Dellwood house - our sunroom, our wonderful and surprisingly spacious kitchen (I never knew how much counter space we really had!) our fenced in yard, the baby swing, our spacious living room, having everything unpacked and in it's proper place, and all the decorations gracing our home, the hostas I planted, my vegetable garden

-having Seth come home most nights at 5:30pm and not have homework or studying or meetings...and having an income with benefits

-being in the place where my paternal grandparents were born and raised, as well as their ancestors, and being able to visit the beautiful cemeteries, and learn more about them.

-my physical therapists, Angie Holpuch, and Andrew Eaton, and my wonderful doctor, Mitchell Reider

-knowing which grocery stores we buy each food item at and where all the stores are that we needed

-sidewalks, that we could walk on (when I could walk) and take walks and see all the wonderful Cleveland homes

-Shaker Lakes, Northpark Blvd., Shelborne Rd., Southpark Blvd. my favorite house on Overlook Rd.

Tonight, I am thinking of all those things, people and places with nostalgia. We had many trials and a lot of suffering in Cleveland, but I'm not remembering those times. I am remembering the beauty and joy and happiness we had there. I had this similar feeling when we first moved to Cleveland 6 years ago. I missed BYU-Idaho and Rexburg. I didn't feel a sense of belonging yet. Everything was so new. I knew I didn't belong in Idaho anymore, but I had loved it there, and I wasn't used to Cleveland yet. There were so many people to meet and a lot of learning to do. So much of who I have become now is because of our experiences in Cleveland. We have grown so much. I don't wish to go back. I know we are meant to be here, and that we don't belong there now. It is different now. Someone else lives in our old house using our beautiful kitchen, and tiny bathroom (I don't miss that!), someone else lives where the Winder's used to live. It's not the same. We are on to new adventures now. It is difficult now; still not being settled in and unpacked, and getting used to not seeing Seth as much, and trying to care for John being covered in poison ivy rash. But that will not be forever, and God is helping me remember how much I need Him to help me through every single moment. Oh how I need His help and comfort! All this reflecting makes me think of this quote by one of our modern-day apostles, Jeffery R. Holland in "Remember Lot's Wife"

"I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone, nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead, we remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives. "

I left part of my heart in Cleveland. It will always be one of my homes, but the wonderful thing is that my heart was broken and healed and it grew so much during that time that I have enough heart left for Columbus, and for our adventures, trials and joys we'll have here.

There are fabulous things about Columbus that I already love, and we will make many happy memories here. We will learn and grow, and enjoy our time here and we are already making lasting friendships. I know we need to be here, and I'm glad we are.

And I know it's alright to remember and claim the embers of glowing Cleveland experiences, and to plan a trip to visit (when this rash clears up!) Anyone want some house guests for a weekend? It's ok because this is my new life, and it is good, and it will be great because we will make it great, with God as our helper. I will gain back all my physical therapy progress that I've lost since our move and my rash, little by little, I'll get the house all settled, and we'll make our new routine. I am excited for whatever is ahead.

Although I don't like the endings, I know they aren't forever. Another one of our apostles gave this sage counsel in General Conference:

"Your testimony of Christ, born of the Holy Ghost, can help you look past the disappointing endings in mortality and see the bright future that the Redeemer of the world has prepared.

We Are Not Made for Endings

In light of what we know about our eternal destiny, is it any wonder that whenever we face the bitter endings of life, they seem unacceptable to us? There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings.

Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny.

The more we learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ, the more we realize that endings here in mortality are not endings at all. They are merely interruptions—temporary pauses that one day will seem small compared to the eternal joy awaiting the faithful.

How grateful I am to my Heavenly Father that in His plan there are no true endings, only everlasting beginnings.

Have we not reason to be filled with gratitude, regardless of the circumstances in which we find ourselves?"

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Grateful in Any Circumstances"

I am seeing God's handiwork in the marvelous tapestry of my life. Although the color He might be using is and itchy and burning red one with some glints of gold, red is a vibrant and beautiful color that can add depth and meaning to a work of art. My life would not mean as much if it were all an easy, dull color. 

"How blessed we are if we recognize God’s handiwork in the marvelous tapestry of life. Gratitude to our Father in Heaven broadens our perception and clears our vision. It inspires humility and fosters empathy toward our fellowmen and all of God’s creation. Gratitude is a catalyst to all Christlike attributes! A thankful heart is the parent of all virtues.¹⁶ Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Grateful in Any Circumstances"

PS, I can't believe this is my last day of being 27! Oh my, how life passes so quickly! 

Create Something of Beauty and Helpfulness

Tonight I am admiring the things of beauty and helpfulness that God has blessed me to be able to create.

(This is our picnic table centerpiece now on our back patio)

"Nearly a century and a half ago, President Brigham Young spoke to the Saints of his day. “There is a great work for the Saints to do,” he said. “Progress, and improve upon and make beautiful everything around you. Cultivate the earth, and cultivate your minds. Build cities, adorn your habitations, make gardens, orchards, and vineyards, and render the earth so pleasant that when you look upon your labors you may do so with pleasure, and that angels may delight to come and visit your beautiful locations. In the mean time continually seek to adorn your minds with all the graces of the Spirit of Christ.” ⁶

The more you trust and rely upon the Spirit, the greater your capacity to create. That is your opportunity in this life and your destiny in the life to come. Sisters, trust and rely on the Spirit. As you take the normal opportunities of your daily life and create something of beauty and helpfulness, you improve not only the world around you but also the world within you."

That was from one of my favorite talks, by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Happiness, Your Heritage."

It makes me smile to know that after hours of hard work, our office is functional now. I know where the highlighters and paper and staples are. And everything is baby-proofed!!! That wasn't easy! The scissors and hole punch, pens and sharpees, etc. are safe and tucked away in a drawer where John cannot get to them, and where they cannot even tease him, because he can't see them. Hooray!

I love organizing! I love even more it when things are organized and very useful and neat looking.

My sad rubber tree plant is being scorched I think... But I don't dare put it on the back patio, or John will tear off all the leaves. He thinks it's great fun. And my hosta got half eaten by dear in Cleveland. Don't worry hosta! You will be beautiful again next year. I know your potential!

Flowers do something wonderful for my well-being.

I felt a great need to try to save the struggling rose bush in front of our house, and add some cheerful flowers to the neglected garden beds to welcome our visitors and help this feel more like our home than just our house. Now I come home and enjoy the beauty.

Summer fun with aunt Laura and aunt Candi

We enjoyed a wonderful evening with aunt Laura and Aunt candi this weekend! 

Aunt Candi took john to the park

Aunt Laura grilled a wonderful dinner for us.

O H! I O!

Yes, we are still alive

I know it has been a long time since my last post, so much has happened! We went to Virginia on a family vacation with the Shepard's for a week in June, my sister Ashley stayed with us for a week, and my sisters Claire and Martha also stayed for a few days. Then Seth's sister Lani and her six kids came to stay with us last weekend. We have had so much fun being with family! Pictures forthcoming. 

I have also really felt a connection to my Cleveland ancestors as we are closing this chapter in our lives, I have been finding them at cemeteries all around Cleveland, it is amazing how much history my family has here.

We have also been busy bees packing and preparing for our move in two weeks. It is amazing how much more difficult it is to prepare for a move when you have a toddler that needs constant attention! My hat goes off to all of the mothers and fathers out there, especially my own! We moved quite a few times and moving with seven kids cannot be easy, when it is so hard with just one toddler. Seth's sister Kristina, and his sister Lani (and their families of course) are also moving very soon, it is a big transition time for our family! Seth's brother Jacob is getting married in August, and we are headed to Houston in a few weeks, after we move.

John will turn two at the end of this month. He is the smartest little guy I know, he is just bursting with new talents and abilities. He is really learning so many words very quickly. With all those talents and abilities comes the frustration of not being able to fully express himself, or to do everything he wants or explore anything he wants. He is very into things that are dangerous, like scissors and knives and box cutters. And although it seems to break his little heart, I can't let him play with those… 

John has not been getting the undivided attention that he so craves, since I have to at least spend some time packing and preparing for our move. It is really hard to let him watch TV every day, but there aren't really many options right now. And I tried to have him watch movies in Spanish, so he's learning right? I just have to keep reminding myself that after we move and get home from Texas things will start to settle down and we will get into the swing of our new life.

John is definitely into his terrible two phase. I never thought that such a sweet little angel could have tantrums like he does sometimes. Tonight was the worst tantrum I have ever seen him throw. We had a code red dinner time meltdown! John really just wanted to eat cornbread, and he didn't want to eat anything else, and he didn't want us to break his cornbread up into pieces, he just wanted to shove the entire muffin into his mouth in one bite which would have been serious choking hazard. Oh the crying and the screaming! Then we just decided to give it up, and we let him go free, we thought he was just playing in the kitchen, but then he came out with some cornbread that he had snatched somehow off the stove. He came out with such a smirk on his face. You should have heard the screams when he didn't get to eat at all. It seems like there is no point in reasoning with a toddler, he can't really understand half of the things that we say anyway, no matter how logical or fair we are trying to be.

Then while we were cleaning up dinner we turned around and John had somehow gotten to his bowl of chili and dumped it all over the dining room floor. It is kind of hilarious and being a parent.

It is so wonderful to have such a supportive husband to be apparent with me! Seth was so nice to immediately give John a bath, while I cleaned up the chili. 

John is truly a sweetheart 75% of the time. I am thankful for those times, because my patience really wears thin the other 25% of the time. Stepping away and do you put breathing is really helping me to keep my cool with him. Instead of dwelling on the times when he hits me or pulls my hair or steps on me, I am trying to remember the sweet and gentle moments that we have together. Like the time on Saturday, when John said his first prayer. He repeated every word after me "Dear Heavenly Father, We are thankful to be a family. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen." Well, he didn't say Amen, he said "down?" Because he wanted to go down and run away to play. But he was pretty close!