In Loving Memory of Grandma Myrtle

I had the great privilege and honor to attend and speak at the funeral services of my dear friend and adopted Grandma, Myrtle Louise Alexander, in Detroit on Saturday. Two other close friends of Myrtles from the Shaker Heights Ward in Ohio, Lisa Call and Chelsey DeMille spoke, and it was a beautiful service.

In Loving Memory of Grandma Myrtle

Remarks by Emily Wagner 3-28-15 Given at the Memorial Service of Myrtle Alexander

I first had the privilege of meeting Myrtle in 2011 in Cleveland when I got the opportunity to be her visiting teacher. "Visiting teaching is a program of watch care in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints." Visiting teachers sincerely come to know and love each sister, (or woman in the church), help her strengthen her faith, and give service... Taking into account each sister's individual needs and circumstances, visiting teachers have regular contact (monthly if possible) with those they are assigned. "(Purpose of Visiting Teaching)  But my relationship with Myrtle blossomed into much more than an assignment to visit and watch over; it became a deep and abiding friendship, one that I will cherish forever. And it turns out that Myrtle probably taught me more than I ever taught her. I am honored to have had this exemplary woman in my life, as we all are.

- Myrtle taught me a lot about food. She was a Southern cook from Jacksonville, FL and proud of it. She taught me what grits are. She showed me that the best and only way to make corn bread is to put real corn in it. Myrtle made the best Gumbo. Once, when she came back from Florida, she had packed fresh shrimp on ice to bring back to make us "real gumbo." She also love to make pineapple pancake breakfasts with "Swimp and Grits." Whenever I eat shrimp, I will always remember that Myrtle called it Swimp.

From left, Scotland Foutz, Seth Wagner (my husband) holding our son John, Tom Foutz, Myrtle, Kjirsti Foutz, Esther Kerlich (Myrtle's neighbor), Gideon Shaw and his dad, Kirk Shaw (Myrtle's home teacher). at Myrtle's home for a pineapple pancake breakfast, 2013

- Myrtle not only loved to cook, she most loved to share her cooking with friends. Myrtle had a talent for gathering people together around good food to share laughs and good conversation. She would never serve herself and sit down and eat until she knew all her guests were tucking into their food. Then she would watch like a hawk for any empty plates, and she would insist on filling it again to make sure you had enough. Thankfully, my husband Seth, although he's skinny like me, he can eat a whole lot, and for that, Myrtle sure loved him, and she loved to feed him.

Myrtle with our family, Seth, Emily and baby John in her home, 2013

- Myrtle was a loving neighbor. At all of Myrtle's dinner parties there would be a few neighbors that she invited to come. Her neighbors checked on her faithfully. Once, when my husband, son and I had brought Easter dinner over to eat with Myrtle at her house, since she was home bound, one of her neighbors came to her door to bring her Easter dinner. You can tell when someone loves graciously when others love them back and care for them, and that was Myrtle.

Esther Kerlich, Myrtle's neighbor 2013

- One of my very favorite memories of Myrtle is from when she was in the hospital. She had been in and out for a while, but she almost never let anyone drive her there. She would have the paramedics come, and then we'd wonder for a couple days where she was. Myrtle didn't want to inconvenience anyone, even to have them drive her to the hospital. She wasn't allowed to put any product in her hair, and she could lift her arms very well since she was hooked up to all sorts of machines, so her usually very well-kept hair was a little out of sorts. I asked her if I could braid her hair, and she said yes! She allowed me to comb and braid her hair, and I could feel that she knew how much I loved her, and she trusted me. To have the trust of someone like Myrtle is a privilege and an honor.

Katie Taylor, Myrtle, and me at a picnic outside of Myrtle's home, 2014

- Although the world might not see Myrtle as someone of great importance, but they wouldn't be able to see what we see. Myrtle believed in apostles and prophets that speak the Lord's word in our day. One of those apostles, Dieter F. Uchtdorf, who has counseled in the oval office with President Obama, and met with all sorts of government and religious officials the world over has said,

"Over the course of my life, I have had the opportunity to rub shoulders with 

some of the most competent and intelligent men and women this world has to 

offer.When I was younger, I was impressed by those who were educated, 

accomplished, successful, and applauded by the world. But over the years, I 

have come to the realization that I am far more impressed by those wonderful 

and blessed souls who are truly good and without guile." (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Lord, Is It I?") 

Myrtle is one of those impressive people who are truly good, who has a light that shines in their eyes.

-Myrtle was fiercely independent and hardworking. It was so hard for her to ask for help, and she never did if she could find any way to accomplish something on her own, even if it took all day. I was amazed when I found that she was still vacuuming her carpets, even though she had to use a walker, and it was such a challenge. Many of us offered to do it for her, but she said she liked the challenge. Her home was always beautifully kept, and my favorite part of it was her glass table in the living room with her keepsakes from her travels and her friends. I amazed me that everything on that table was always dust free. My toddler was very interested in that table, and would have loved to play with every single glass item on that glass table. And Myrtle wasn't worried about it. Myrtle knew that people are more important than things. She cherished those she loved more than her prized possessions from all over the world. I loved to hear of her travels. Myrtle wasn't afraid of going on adventures on her own. She went on all sorts of trips all by herself, and because of her genial personality, she made friends along the way.

Kjirsti, pronounced Chairs-tee, and I were visiting teaching companions for two years. As she taught me how to love Myrtle, we became very close friends, and she has been a great support to me. This is Myrtle's special table in her home, 2013

- Myrtle loved children. We call her Grandma Myrtle. She is an adopted Grandma to many, including me, and she's another Great Grandmother for my son, John.  Myrtle was there for me from before I was able to have any children. She was there at my baby shower. She loved meeting John after he was born, and she's always been there since. We have talked almost every week for the last 4 years. I will miss hearing her cheerful voice greeting me the same way every time, "Hi, Emily! How's my grandson!?" Although we moved away from Cleveland last summer, John still says, "Grandma Myrtle" when he sees her picture, and he knows her voice.

 Myrtle with Scotland Foutz and baby John 2013

Sadly, I didn't take any videos of Myrtle (let that be a lesson to me and all of us). but we can hear her voice in these two videos with John and Ezra Taylor.

Katie Taylor succeeded Kjirsti as my VT companion, and she did a wonderful job, and we also developed a deep friendship. I am so thankful we got to work together! John and Ezra had a great time together. 2014

- Myrtle was diligent. Myrtle worked as a housekeeper for the Pey Family for many many years. Even when she couldn't go up and down the stairs anymore, she still went there so faithfully to do all she could. She did her duty, whatever that was. When the Pey's would go out of town, she did not fail to make sure the mail got inside, even if that was all that there was to do, she would go to their home and make sure everything was alright. She would not miss doing her duty for anything.

The Foutz family, Tom, Kjirsti and Scotland

- Myrtle is one of the most determined and optimistic people I've ever known. Myrtle has been through so much since I have known her. She has been in and out of the hospital, rehab centers. But she has truly trusted in God, and she's worked hard to get where she is now.  After overcoming great obstacles, I wrote in my journal once, "Myrtle's just zipping around with her walker. And if there is an obstacle, she finds a way around it, like the front step to her apartment, she's found a path around the bush that she squeezes through so she can make it. And I don't know how she opens that heavy door and gets herself and her walker inside, but somehow she finds a way! She's going up and down stairs, and she' taking care of herself. She's changed a lot of her diet for her health, which wasn't easy. Myrtle has been able to come to church with us twice recently. She's been telling me for months that she was going to get to church so that she could share her testimony, and she did it. She touched my heart as she stood tall in front of the congregation of more than 200 people and shared her testimony that God has been good to her and that she is living proof that God is real. She said, "My doctors told me there was no hope. They said that I would never walk again, and that I'd never be off oxygen. But here I am today standing before you, walking, and breathing on my own." Myrtle thanked God for her blessings, and testified that He answers prayers."

 *"O God, thou hast been merciful unto me, and heard my cries... And thou didst 

hear me because of mine afflictions and my sincerity; and it is because of thy Son 

that thou hast been thus merciful unto me, therefore I will cry unto thee in all mine afflictions, for in thee is my joy; for thou hast turned thy judgments away from me, because of thy Son."(Book of Mormon, Alma 33:9, 11)

- Myrtle knew much of pain in the last years of her life, but she persevered and endured. God gave her strength. She got through much of the struggle and pain with her wonderful sense of humor. Myrtle loved to laugh. She had to do endless physical therapy, and the therapist would come to her home to help her. She would have to stand up and sit down and stand up again, and turn around and step on and of a stair. She told her therapist that she felt like a ballerina. Her therapist got a kick out of it, and she always joke that she was getting on her dancing shoes before a therapy appointment. 

You can see Myrtle's sense of humor and twinkle in her eye in this picture with Linda Huxel, the late Bishop Jim Huxel's wife, both of whom Myrtle was very close with 2014

This scripture from Isaiah was true in Myrtle's life.

*"Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth 

strength.  Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:

 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up 

with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." (Isaiah 40:28-31)

Although I've never know Myrtle to be able to fly or even run, I know for sure that God strengthened her. He made her strong in so many ways. She lived alone for much of her life, yet she did not complain. She looked at things positively and found loving friends and family to share in her struggles, but mostly in her joy. Myrtle focused on the good, she focused on her blessings.

Myrtle was there at the baby shower that Kjirsti Foutz and Emily Barker threw for me at Kjirsti's home. 2012 Myrtle was so excited for John to be born!

Myrtle was the adopted mother and grandmother to many, including me, whose family lived hundreds or even thousands of miles away.

Top left: Mindy Byrnes, Lisa Call, Myrtle Alexander, Lauren Janus (our neighbor), Katie Taylor, Emily Barker, Jen Madsen, Diethra Cox (our neighbor) On the couch from left: Sarah Palfryman, Lacey Cope, Maggie Cope, Kjirsti Foutz 2012

- Myrtle truly loved her family. She kept in contact as much as possible with her family, and then she'd talk about them a lot of the time when she wasn't talking to them. She loved to tell stories about her childhood, and remember her family with fondness. As we gathered around her, the young mothers that we were, she always told us stories about her cherished daughter Gail, and give us ideas of ways to help our children and overcome whatever challenge we were facing.

- I am sure that sometimes Myrtle must have felt lonely, but she knew that God had not forgotten her. I love the song that Myrtle chose for this celebration of her life, "His Eye Is On The Sparrow," It isn't possible for our mortal minds to comprehend how God could know the fall of every sparrow, or how he could number the hairs on our heads, but He is all-powerful and all-knowing, and He does not forget any of His children. Myrtle knew that God is watching over her and is her constant friend watching over her. (Luke 12:6-7)

Me, Myrtle and Kjirsti, 2013

- The living prophet in our day, President Thomas S. Monson has said,
*"Among all the facts of mortality, none is so certain as its end. Death comes to all; it is our “universal heritage; ... To understand the meaning of death, we must appreciate the purpose of life. [We know by] revelation, ... that we lived before our birth into mortality. In our premortal state, we were doubtless among the sons and daughters of God who shouted for joy because of the opportunity to come to this challenging yet necessary mortal existence. We knew that our purpose was to gain a physical body, to overcome trials, and to prove that we would keep the commandments of God. Our Father knew that because of the nature of mortality, we would be tempted, would sin, and would fall short. So that we might have every chance of success, He provided a Savior, who would suffer and die for us. Not only would He atone for our sins, but as a part of that Atonement, He would also overcome the physical death to which we would be subject because of the Fall of Adam.

[After He died,] our Savior lived again. The most glorious, comforting, and reassuring of all events of human history had taken place—the victory over death. The pain and agony of Gethsemane and Calvary had been wiped away. The salvation of mankind had been secured. The Fall of Adam had been reclaimed.

The empty tomb that first Easter morning was the answer to Job’s question, “If a man die, shall he live again?” To all within the sound of my voice, I declare, If a man die, he shall live again.

The darkness of death can always be dispelled by the light of revealed truth. “I am the resurrection, and the life,” spoke the Master. ¹⁵ “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you.” ¹⁶

‘And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.’” Revelation chapter 21, verse 4

...In our hour of deepest sorrow, we can receive profound peace from the words of the angel that first Easter morning: “He is not here: for he is risen.” ¹⁷

He is risen! He is risen!

Tell it out with joyful voice.

He has burst his three days’ prison;

Let the whole wide earth rejoice.

Death is conquered; man is free.

Christ has won the victory! ¹⁸

(Thomas S. Monson, "He Is Risen")

Me, Baby John (2 months old) and Myrtle, Oct. 2012

 - It is truly a great sorrow for us to part with Myrtle for a season, she brought so much joy to all of our lives, and she will be missed dearly. But we do not need to worry at all for Myrtle. She was ready to return home to her Heavenly Father. Just as the apostle Paul did, Myrtle fought a good fight, she finished her course, and she kept the faith. (2 Timothy 4:5-8)  I know it is now Myrtle's prayer for us to live our lives worthily so that we can meet her at the last day having fought our fights well, keeping our faith firm in our Savior, even Jesus Christ.

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Kjirsti Foutz and Katie Taylor were greatly missed and wished they could have come to pay their last respects to Myrtle, but although they couldn't travel to be there, they had done all they could for Myrtle, and loved her with a great love which will always be remembered.

It felt like a Shaker Heights Ward mini-reunion. It was wonderful to be together again with these great women and friends of mine who all loved Myrtle dearly.

 From left: Chelsey Demille, Alison Day, Emily Wagner (me), Ollie Griffin, Lisa Call

Lisa and I got to hang out together for some of the afternoon, and we drove down by the lake and saw beautiful mansions that overlooked the lake. We tried to take a walk, but it was freezing, so we got back in the car and had a great conversation while enjoying the warmth.