Weening Woes

Today marks the last day that I will ever nurse my son, John...... ..... .... That sentence makes me feel like grieving, like I've actually sustained a loss. And when John wakes up in the morning and his Dada feeds him breakfast, I think he'll feel that way too. I scheduled my Lasik appointment for the end of February. You have to stop nursing 3 months before, so they tell me. It seems a sad thing to have to give up something so good to make something else possible, something good, but is it that good? I would have continued much longer if I could, but I have to take this, my only chance (at least for many years) to wake up and see .

I have nursed John since the day he was born. 16 months and a week. I calculated, and I found that I have nursed him over 3,000 times. That is so many times. It's not just a habit, it's been a key part of my life. It wasn't easy to learn. It has sometimes been painful and frustrating. But we did it! We learned it together. It has been a loving time to cuddle and bond. A miracle, to be able to create and give nourishment to my own son, my son that my husband and I created together, a gift from God. Something that I can do without even thinking about it. It's hard to just stop....

I know he's ready. He's eating, drinking and growing so well, and he'll be fine. But will I? Will I be fine if I don't get to spend those loving minutes of everyday being so close to my son? Well, I'm sure I will eventually. I am still the one who feeds him and nourishes him, just in a different way. And he'll still give me hugs and cuddle (and try to lift up my shirt, even in public...hopefully not for long because it may break my heart.) We'll still show each other love, in a different way. But now. It just hurts. And it is a loss. So I think it is OK to grieve a little.

Therefore, I'll weep my little weep and remember those wonderful 3,000 times nursing this sweet little one that I love.